Well, I'm off to Rochester NY for company sales training today! Sitting here writing this in Vegas at the terminal. I am boarding in a few minutes! I haven't flown in years, and going through Security went better than expected, though there was a rather mean woman who loved to belittle us as she walked by (facepalm). Firt stop, Atlanta!

w00t!!!

I can't believe how neglected this is. My apologies, but my life has been on hold off and on since the last entry...
It's Christmas Eve, I am up with my two youngest kids as they camp out in the living room for the night, and my wife asleep in bed. Trying to break out of a funk that has stayed since before the last flare up with our oldest son, who does not live at home, and turns 18 in another week.
I honestly don't know if he will come over tomorrow. Franky, I am numb concerning it, and would prefer he doesn't because of the way he treated his brother and sister on Friday when he came over to trim the tree. It sounds cold and a little callous, but I am tired of him acting like the perpetual victim. He traded us up for a "better" family, and he simply needs to go into the military as he plans to as soon as he turns 18. In a few years or so, we can sit down and pick up where we left off approximately a year ago.
(Damn, my heart aches. It's a good thing I am not a drinking man).

I saw this on another person's site and took the test. Needless to say I'm no Jim Kirk, but...

Your results:
You are Uhura

Uhura 60% Geordi LaForge 50% James T. Kirk (Captain) 45% Jean-Luc Picard 45% An Expendable Character (Redshirt) 45% Data 42% Chekov 40% Mr. Scott 40% Worf 35% Will Riker 35% Deanna Troi 35% Spock 34% Beverly Crusher 25% Leonard McCoy (Bones) 25% Mr. Sulu 20%

You are a good communicator with a pleasant soft-spoken voice. Also a talented singer.

Click here to take the "Which Star Trek character are you?" quiz...


*falls out of chair laughing hysterically*

Sorry for the melodramatic title, and the post (in advance).

It's been a while. A lot has happened in the last months. Some for better, some not for better, but will hopefully get better in time.

To start with, I am filling out my oldest son's temporary guardianship to another family who used to be friends of ours. I say used because I can no longer trust them at this point. We have already notarized and signed approval papers for our oldest son (who is 4 months from turning 18, and now he wants to move in with the other family and be mentored by the other dad.
So, all I am waiting for now is a phone call from our oldest to say yes or no to the temporary guardianship so I can schedule the four adults to go and have it notarized. He is currently living with his grandparents, and has been snarky to them for the last two weeks.
It's tough letting go, but the boy needs to make his own decisions, mistakes, and take his lumps and learn.
Still after all this, why do I feel like a complete failure as a dad? Meh, I have two other children at home that need their father.
*Turns the page and begins on the next chapter......*

90 days of leveling up! w00t! (anyone want to help a n00b?)

Well, I went ahead and did a 10 day trial of WoW, and I had fun. I am just wary of dumping the money in every month for it. My Char is level 10. I got there playing about five hours in that trial period, and I have barely seen one town. So, what do you all think? Should I or shouldn't I?

Happy New Year All.

I want a Red Ryder Double-Lever Action BB Rifle!! I don't care if I shoot my eye out!! XD

I mean, really, how friggin inept are these places? I call Western Union on a money transfer for an art commission, and I get a gentleman of ethnic persuasion with a thick accent. After some time and info, the money transfer was SUPPOSED to be available, only to find out today that the recipient was told they waited too long to retrieve it ( which happened in the beginning, but was made available again according to WU offshore call center). So, they have PayPal now, so I will put it in there, and deal with another inept CSR in an attempt to get my money back. Oh, that should be fun! Doesn't matter, I need to get the money to the artist who is starting the commission....Hang on, the bird got out, and the dog is chasing her down..._------>>>>>>>>

Well, a bittersweet ending to a problem job today. I have spent the last nine days on a final proof of a wifi service for an rv resort. It has been a problem job from the start. My managers decided after looking over the data, and the level of the customer expertise to even use a computer, as well as the board's latest statement, it was decided to give the customer their money back and pull out the equipment for return.
The knowledge I gained during this challenge was invaluable, and the lessons learned were as well. I am frustrated over the loss we will incur on the construction side.My boss said I did a good job, but satisfying this customer even with the system operating at one-hundred percent would be impossible, as they are a retiree park with limited computer knowledge and skills.
My most valuable lesson to date: Sell what's in the warehouse.

Oliver the pup is sleeping through the night now. He has to be walked twice a day to keep his energy level in check. If he isn't he starts biting. Little snot tore open my finger two days ago when he went red zone on me. I had to put him on his side in a submissive position until he calmed.
I have to go to traffic school this weekend, and it looks like Christmas at my parent's house will not be a possibility this year....

Happy Thanksgiving all !!!

$133.00 later, and the pup is home. I bit my tongue last night when the kids said "thank you for letting us have a dog dad". Funny, I was never asked whether or not we could have it, only that the dog was picked out and a deposit at the animal shelter put on him to hold him.
Oh, well, now comes the vet bills next. Anyhow, here's some pics of the little fella:





He is a Pomeranian / Mini Pincher mix.

Well,
Guess I am going to be really hated if I say what's on my mind,and I do not know what to do right now, or really give a sh*t anymore. I am livid! Barely making ends meet for the last two months, and my wife and kids decide to go and get a Pomeranian pup from the animal shelter. Please, don't get me wrong, I love animals, and have had my heart broken over the pets I had loved until they were too old , or became terminally ill and had to be put down.
I really did not want to incur the expense of a dog right now, especially for the next few months, and especially with repairs that need to be done, and bills that need to be paid. Seems my wishes fell on deaf ears again. That was the problem, I guess. They were my wishes, not the wishes of the other three who wanted the dog. Guess I am just another asshole male after all, as now if I "put my foot down" about the dog (As it is already arranged to be picked up on Saturday), I will end up upsetting my wife and my two youngest kids...

Whatever, frack it. It's not the dog's fault.I guess it's mine, I let this sh*t get too far to begin with. I am tired of my guts churning at this point,the sleepless nights, and the ulcer that is forming. Time to get a second job and just be scarce I suppose, not that it matters at home whether I am around or not anyways, other than to pay the bills, fix things around the house, and to give the wife a back rub when she wants one.

Good thing I don't drink, or I would be a complete asshole after the first two glasses...

I feel...beat down.
Big fight over finances with my wife this weekend. Seems compromise is one sided in this relationship, and I am tired of being treated like s***t when others cannot have their way.
*sigh* I guess as a man, I am to have no needs, dreams, or aspirations unless they agree fully with someone else's if things are going to be less adversarial around here.
I have all but given up on the idea that I MIGHT EVER be picking up where my music left off seven years ago. I tire of the never-ending conflict over simple things. I guess the best thing to do would be to throw myself into my job 100% like most other men,knowing good and well there is no real fulfillment in doing that, other than the financial gains. But, in the end, it is a house of cards. The only positive thing thus far is that I dropped more weight since my last weigh-in.
If I was a typical man, I would by a sports car and go middle age crazy, but I wasn't raised that way. You make your commitments, you stick by your commitments, regardless of the adversity.
Well, it is my fault, and my bed I made. I will have to lie in it, or the couch, whichever it happens to be at the moment....>.<

*Excuse me while I go off and die a little inside now...*

With what has been going on in my life as of late, it is really a challenge to keep a positive attitude. I just got off the phone with my parents, and had to borrow money and repay them in two weeks to "get by" on the most outstanding bills. Work has gone better, but now I will lose a week of momentum doing a final site survey of an RV park that would like to try to get out of their contract. No commission on this sale now, it seems, as they will more than likely choose a buyout rather than default and go to court and lose even more money.In 20 20 hind site, I wish I had turned them away when they sought a proposal from me on all four occasions.

On a positive note, I am 35 pounds lighter than I was last year. My goal is to be down to ~220 pounds by the end of April. That should help in reducing aggravating my old back and knee injuries. My only challenge is trying to find time for me to go and ride three times a week. It has to fit around everyone else's schedule.

I am going to put out a feeler to a singing group that performs here monthly. They have "guest artists" on occasion, and it is a paying gig, if I can land a performance spot. We will see.

My writing (and rewriting now XP ) is coming in spurts, but I am not fully motivated at times.

Something that comes to mind:
"You cannot do anything about yesterday; it is already gone. Worrying about tomorrow will not help either, for it has not come yet. All you can do is concern yourself with today."

I...give up.
I am tiring of mounting bills, and expenses that grow with each month. Dance classes have increased 35% since last year, and now the food bill has increased 20%.Schooling for the kids is never within budget, and my sales have been down the last two and a half months dealing with a difficult project that we have now had to push back with the customer. I will never see that commission. Now, since we have been forced on to sewer, our water bill has increased to nearly two and a half times of what it used to be.
I feel like I am hanging over an abyss by the tips of my fingers, and slipping slowly. Ah well, I seem to be in the same boat as most of middle America. I have no one to blame but myself for my situation, and it looks like a second job may be in order for the short term, as well as extra effort at work for the long term.
I just feel like...disappearing off of the face of the planet. Selfish, I know. At least if my heart gives out, my family is a half million richer >8^P>. I need to get out of this depression before it does kill me...

The final run of Kiss Me Kate here locally is this weekend. It has been my first experience with being in the set crew, and I have had a blast. It is a stress buster for me, and I am going to miss it for the next six months.Ah well, I get to dress up in all black and dawn a headset.
*rubs hands together* Now, the set crew needs all ninja names...muhahahaha!

I don't know why, but as Thanksgiving and Christmas grow closer, I seem to grow more moody and am fighting depression on an almost daily basis. It seems more and more commercialism takes over from what the true spirit of the holiday is supposed to be; that, and it seems to be the measure of a man as to what he will go into hock for just to please his family. If that is what I am to be measured by, then I guess I am not much of a man then.
I have grown weary over a lot of things:
-Whining teenager/ kids who are constantly dissatisfied with what they have and want more, and expect it to be handed to them without question.
-Trying to understand my wife and try to meet her needs, to the point of not caring about my own in the process.
-The constant battle over finances and priorities regarding our income (I want to get out of debt in three years, save the house; but the budget keeps growing ;^p).
-The fact that I will be seven years short of a half century in three months, and upon reflecting on my life,I seem to have had more failures than accomplishments...
At least I won't be traveling as much for work in the near future, which is good in a way (I shouldn't go there...)
Damn, nothing worse than a geriatric emo kid...gawd I'm depressed...

Tired, and kind of numb. Yesterday morning while driving down a residential street on my way to the highway, I had a man run out in front of my car covered in blood and screaming for help.I skidded to a stop, and just as I was going to roll down my window and let him know to settle down, I will call emergency services on my cell, he grabbed the passenger door handle and tried to both pry my door open, and punch his way through the window. His face went from terror to anger in a split second. I gunned my car, and turned it around three doors down as I called 911. It was obvious he was high on *cough*meth*cough*. I got the dispatcher and gave the address, description, etc. and hung up. I followed him as he ran up the street so I could point him to police if he tried to hide.The man attempted to stop vehicles and carjack the drivers without success, even busting the window out of a Jeep that nearly ran him over. As he stopped a service truck, the first officer arrived on the scene, and gave him several warnings before tazering him. Four other police cruisers rolled up, and secured the man. I stayed to give my statement, then went to have the blood cleaned off of the passenger window and door of my car.
I found out later that he is now arraigned on murder charges. He didn't have any visible wounds for the amount of blood he had on him, and inside the house next door to the driveway he ran out from, the police found his victim in a pool of blood, beaten and stabbed to death.
It is a little sobering to think that in a split second, I could have possibly been a crime statistic. Makes me think about keeping a gun in my car now...

Oliver closed last night, and I am tired, but happy with the way the show went this weekend.One show did not go well (forgot a verse on my solo number), and the other four went great, with closing night being as close to perfect as it possibly could have been.
It was both a challenge and a blast to play Mr. Bumble, as well as be a drunk in the Oom Pah Pah number. I am tired, and am now working on the various honey dos that have to be done.
Personal life wise, my life sux...
-My sixteen year old son has decided that he should have everything handed to him, and not have the responsibility to go along with it, including arguing with me and thinking that reasonably obeying us is restricting his creativity and his individuality.
-My wife wants a dog. Not just any dog, but a Bishan Frishe`(?). I can't get my family to pick up and clean once a friggin' week, and I have told them no dog until this is accomplished ( now I am unreasonable and the family a-hole once again, as my wife stated that I am the one not home during the day with the kids, yet I am the one who is putting off personal interests for the sake of her sanity in making sure she has time for her interests).
-I do not want the expense of a family pet until we are out of debt, save the current car payment and the mortgage. This too is an unreasonable request.

Some days I just.......well, you know.